[Intro]
And now for our feature presentation.
[No audio]
[Cartoons]
Cinema.
[Singing]
Welcome to the Texas death trippin movie. I'm stoner Jesus and we should get
this out of the way now. You are all going to hell.
Seriously, this step is pretty messed up. Enjoy the movie.
[Jesus]
[No audio]
[Music]
[Guy on bed]
[Falls down]
[Coughing]
[Waking up]
[Music] [Touchy Feely- Halo dark]
[Music]
Hope Texas can handle all this. High-fructose corn syrup.
[Music]
-You are leaving your breakfast. -I have no time need to meet Muppet.
[Instrumental Music]
[Guy waiting outside]
[Car arrives and hoots]
What's up motherfucker!
-Heeey. -Great, how are you doing?
Good.
What's up? I gotta go?
Are you ready?
Greatest trippin in Houston to ever grace the beautiful state of fucking Texas.
Lets get it.
I can't stand him. I mean I hate everyone,
but he's the worst. Fuck Sid you gotta
be kidding me. It's... don't tell me it's...
Andy!!
Hello my brother? Captain my captain.
How is the swing gentlemen?
And why are you two
another tight pot somewhere?
So check it out, I pulled up the big score.
It's an ass. Nice.
Wait, let me see.
-Yeah that's a naked booty.
-Yep and it's attached to my trip date.
She asked our
fucking Internet and cosplay sensation.
Has over a million followers. Oh wow.
An online model so rare so lucky you are.
I'm gonna be knee-deep in vagina hole while
you're pulling on your joystick bud.
What's up? Left up here.
GPS says we are close. All right.
[Guys playing]
Don't worry bud, things get bad.
-I'll let you blow me. -Thanks you're the best.
[Girl drinking]
[Car arrives]
[Instrumental music]
[Girl picks her bag and heads towards the car]
Welcome to the love van. Your chariot awaits.
You guys look like you just played Rock Paper Scissors to see who gets to seduces me.
Basically.
-Don't just stare at it. -Okay.
[Puts the bag in the car]
[The lady boards the car]
Oh, I hope you guys don't mind. I told my girl Teresa. She can come along?
What's up bitches.
[Teresa boards the car]
[Shuts the car door]
[Music]
[Instrumental music]
[Car takes off]
May I say,
-I got damn dream another in person. -Yeah Randy. Yeah yeah.
Actually it's Andy.
Do you guys want to smoke a joint?
Dude, she said.
[Starts smoking]
[Music]
[Shouting] Texas woo-ow.
Fuck it.
So Sheena, like Joe average that follows you
gets to see your ass on the daily, right.
Does that mean your premium followers
get to see your butt-hole? And how exactly does that work? Excuse you.
Wow this dude is trippin.
I'm sorry hot chicks, I'm just curious.
And I get really horny when I get stoned.
-We all do. -Oh my god.
Me too. Hashtag oh my God.
-Oh my God. -Holy shit Andy has a double burner.
This rules.
[Laughing]
Oh my god.
Who is driving?
[Screaming]
[Bang sound]
[Hooting vehicle]
So basically, my lnstagram blew up about a year ago and, then I got into modeling.
And that's all I do full-time now. Don't worry I'm good.
Looks like your joint knocks you on your ass a little bit.
Did you doze off? Andy, are you all right?
Are you kidding me right now baby model.
ANDY!! ARE YOU OKAY?
Are you okay, Andy?
Are you ready to party or what?
I got something to the festival.
Woow!
Look at that. What we do.
Your homie is a fun guy.
Most people get the ship's from shrimps. Just saying.
Goddamn it, told you never talk to that scumbag again.
Rodriguez trash cooter.
Damn straight betrayal. I heard he got
this girl pregnant at my old school.
He's cool. It just come back.
[Guy walking on a corridor]
[Music]
[Guy shuts the door]
-So the Muppet comes to me for some candy.
-Yeah. I figured you knew where to score
some shrooms. Shut the fuck up pretty boy.
Hear that? That's the sound of adventure.
This will definitely make the trip trippier.
[Counts notes]
-You want a bump for the roll? -No thanks.
Malkey. No no dear. Today you are here. Glad you are alive!
What's going on here?
Trying to wrap up something kinki.. It looks kind of yam.
-All right, Kelly, I'm supervising drug point. -Drugs? You mean like typods.
[Laughing]
Are you serious?
[laughing]
-Wow, you are such a good story teller. -Yes
Don't be filling up on processed bullshit now guys. We are going to the first
spot that's close so we can camp for the night. Now, I'm making my famous bowl chilly.
Where the fuck are we? A small town called... Dark Marsh.
40 miles outside of Galveston.
On your way to Houston.
Google Maps ain't got shit on that.
You know who's the creep a pocketbook.
[Mummaring inaudible dialogue]
[music]
[Man and lady tied up]
[Andy moving silently]
[opens the car door]
[mummaring]
These are fucking drugs.
[Jumps out the car]
[Guy enters the room] [carrying a lady]
[Man starts moving]
Who the fuck are you? God! Don't you understand.
Let me out of this.
Let me go the fuck out of here.
Who the fuck are you?
Do you know me motherfucker?
Your fucking freak show.
What the fuck.
Fuck.
You fucking pussy, if I get the fucking out
of this damn ties, I'll beat you with that fucking hammer.
Fuck. I just want to be a little...
[Lady tied on a chair]
[Man appears with a knife]
Look down, what the fuck are you looking at.
Move.
[Screaming]
[Guys arrive back to the car]
You.
You are my favourite.
[Stranger chased away from the car]
[The car goes off]
[Lady screaming]
[Falls down]
[Lady tries to untie herself]
[Lady running away]
Come on, get me up. Running out of fucking time.
Where the hell are you going sweethearts?
Fucking about time you let me out.
Fucking let me out of here.
We are fucking short of time. Come on. Come on.
[Bringing the lady back]
[Inaudible conversation]
[Lady crying]
[She is tied up again]
Shut the fuck up!
Quite! Damn it. Shut the fuck up.
Well boy there's a handful out there.
I wouldn't have marked it for you.
It's a really nice blunt treat. Go get it. Go get somebody ass.
I got it here. We are under good control.
[Moves closer to the lady talking]
It's a really good time.
Oh yeah.
[Guy walks upstairs]
[Guy holds the lady by her arms]
[Images changing]
[Car passing]
[Guy appears from the house]
What the fuck was that all about dude?
That creep was right. There have been a
bunch of missing people in this area.
Not even that creepy dirty old Buchan is
gonna stop us from going to the best stoner rock festival to ever grace the
state of Texas.
[Smoking]
[Instrumental music]
[Music]
[Car door opens]
[They crew alights from the car]
[Guy coughing]
[Andy shuts the car door]
[Phone ringing]
Hey guys, I got a video call from Wayne.
Hey Wayne,
[smoking]
[Coughing]
What's up cool dudes.
[Coughing]
God damn this blue berry..
What's up?
So you fuckers ready for the stoner festival or what bro? Check me out.
Am already Burning man. Dude it's like freakin Coachella over here. Do you have
light in my bong Bro?
Tomorrow can't come with enough. Sorry brothers got to
put on the stunner shades man. I can't see my haters bro. Actually I'm just
trying to hide how stoned I am. I got a job interview in like an hour.
But dude it's gonna be fucking sick bro trust me right lump it.
Okay, first of all,
where the fuck are you guys? Why does this look so creepy as shit? This looks
like what attack Bundy's murders. Like somebody what do you guys do together?
Are you guys like out camping and shit?
What is this some sort of Medicine
retreat filming fellas?
Yeah. We just found a cool place to stop and have some
beers and then make my famous chilly for the night.
Yeah. It's a couple of towns
outside of the festival. I think. Sorry guys, taking a piss but
that's fucking weird bro.
You know, shit I can dig it dude.
I can do it and you know what dude,
fuck you Sidwell chili astray bud.
Oh my God.
Am pissing myself, shit.
Fuck.
Aah shit. Guys, don't get you fucked up tonight, okay.
We got a long day tomorrow bro.
And listen, I'll see you stony bronies tomorrow around noon. I'm gonna
be that five Buster sure food posted.
Listen, you know there is bass player Deanna.
I heard he can roll a joint in five seconds one hand dude.
Dude I totally said that earlier.
Actually Andy you said and I quote,
"I've heard he could roll a
joint in under five seconds."
After I said Buffalo bud Buster would be playing.
Like Dino in the rest of the band aren't Buffalo bud buster.
Like buffalo bud Buster is like, a giant human buffalo hybrid that just calls
himself that.
Has a band and can roll joints really fast. Poser.
Weird.
Okay, I'll see you guys tomorrow. I gotta go piss.
Byee.
Oh, he hang up.
How could you say that.
[Camping scene]
[The crew preparing the camp site]
[Instrumental music]
You feel like this is really the right one here.
All right guys.
[Trying to balance the pot on fire]
Chilly is getting ready soon.
[Instrumental music]
[Guy walking]
[Starts smoking]
[Bird chipping]
What the fuck is that?
What the fuck.
It's a fucking Sasquatch.
What the fuck is that!
Duke, you gotta see this.
Duke
Whats up dude.
A Sasquatch. Fucking Sasquatch
See it.
You're fucking high. Get the fucking out of here.
I'm telling you I see a Sasquatch
[Crosstalk]
Hey.
You want a beer?
[Opens and drinks]
Damn.
Okay!
Did you see that?
Cheers.
[Drinking the beer]
You are crazy.
Did you know if you stare at your partners other I will give you a high five.
It will be perfect everytime.
Everyone needs a high five.
Oh babe, I'm so glad that we finally got away from the city.
Yes, so much needed show time.
Yeah. But I'm sorry that I banged your roommate. I was drunk and you were...
Shhhh..
Consider that back in the city. We can't deal with it.
Police are with her name.
Yeah. Good luck getting that deposit back.
We need to focus on us.
So far I haven't banged any of your friend yet. Wait what?
Do hear that? Is a party?
Maybe we should check it out. What, so you could bang them up?
I'm here with you now Jack. Oh, yeah. What a treat.
Are you okay right now?
[Birds chipping]
[Man screaming pointing an axe on his head]
[His head starts bleeding]
Are you really going right now?
[Lady screaming]
[The man steps on her]
[Music]
Worst part about camping is?
Bugs.
The outdoors is so fucking great.
Why do they always want to be in my house?
[The crew playing]
Am prettty partial on ravioli
Wayne was right.
Hello Andy, you have any of this chili bro?
We're turning it up.
No thanks. It will upset my stomach.
[Guys eating and mummaring]
It's like he is like.
[Mimicking Andy voice]
I'm gonna think of every time I eat beans.
Every time I make my favorite sports show every laughing bomb.
Oh baby.
[Singing]
Fuck that there. Well, I'm gonna call the car ambulance.
[Laughing]
Though this is childish bro. I appreciate you.
[Man rattling]
[Laughter]
[Drops the dish and runs]
This stupid motherfuckers.
Hey Girl.
[Guy appears from the woods]
Well, like did you... Mama
I do not know that.
[Andy appears in the woods]
Family really wants to sandwich. Who sets the fire.
Thanks bro.
Beefy tasty stuffed pasta pillows.
That's right, we are talking about canned ravioli fruit of the gods
nature's, tasty treats plucked from the heavens to your plate.
[Man eating]
Finally.
A dream.
It's come true.
I almost felt it coming.
Sorry that was my,
my drizzle.
Ravioli.
I wanted to engulf me.
I have been waiting for this.
No.
So good I can hardly take it. It's so good yes.
Yes.
[Laughter]
[Guy lying down]
Who made this person? Who made this me Parking?
Just wonderful lady, that's Tara.
Let's just lift it all, never runs out.
That giant gone to heaven. I don't believe that stuff.
What is wrong with me? Oh, it's a pillow.
Thought my skin was getting too dry.
Everything is about textual.
That was such a nausea.
That was the worst day of my life.
That boy is damp canned ravioli. I don't like it.
Running around with his little friends eat that trash full of preservatives, garbage.
Take it to the top take it to the top.
Take it all. Do it, yeah.
Yeah. Take it to the top. Come on, come on.
Do it, do it, do it, do it. Yeaah.
What's that about?
Teresa, truth to dare?
No.
-Rejected.
Lets bring some firewood man.
So you play?
Well, I don't so much as play. I'm more or less feeling it inside my being.
Wow, that's really deep. You have no idea.
[Guitar music]
[Singing]
[Sweet guitar music]
[Singing]
So Teresa, what's your favorite bitch substitute?
A... tree.
Wow.
And that Andy's female if you can see.
Hey,
[Talking from the woods]
Before that...
That guy is booty dog.
Okay.
Oh shit. What about Teresa, I left that
bitch alone with Sidwell.
[Lady screams]
Hey get off her man.
[The killer walks towards the man]
I was just kidding.
[The guy is stabbed]
No he isn't gay at all.
That's not what I heard.
It's fact watching a guy fucking another girl, that is gay.
So you're telling me that a chick fuck another chick.
Where is the dick? It is more hetero than boy on girl porn.
Listen, if I'm going to see a dick, I'd rather be attached to another hot chick
and stuff, not an ugly dude. That's not you.
Yeah. That make sense.
Oh my God. Holy shit.
[Screaming]
Jesus! Get out of here.
Dude, you think you could save that guy.
Don't fucking leave me dude. Come on man.
I'm sorry.
Not cool.
Who is fucking this guy?
[Man shouting loudly]
[Man screaming]
[Guy running]
[Instrumental music]
[Andy walking in a room]
[Slapping his face]
I can't believe you let that fuck kill me.
I didn't know there was nothing I could do Sid.
You know how fucking hard it is to pull pong out of my brain. Fucking hurts.
[Smoking]
[Punching his head]
[Shouting]
[Guy appears from the bush]
17 different Italian herbs and spices.
You know,
all wrapped up in that nice pasta satchel.
It's like a beefy pillow. It's the fruit of the gods.
You know what else, it's in a can.
It will last literally forever.
And it's delicious.
You're disgusting.
Heavens delectable rain drops,
sent from Mount Olympus itself.
Remember that is...
Nod to him, you wouldn't know.
You felt, what was I supposed to do. We would have both been killed.
It's no secret you don't like me bro.
Leave me out there to die. some really
fucking uncho pussy shit bro.
[Roaring]
There is my fucking face over my face you fucker.
No, you're not getting away that easy.
Not this time. Fuck.
[Laughing]
Come on Andy. You know I will chop...
[Reaches for knife]
[Screaming]
You asshole.
Are you okay?
Bitch, oh my god. What the fuck did you do? Did you murder them?
I didn't do it. You have a knife in your hand, so who else did it? I didn't do it.
Who else did it? Somebody else.
Get away from me you psycho. Look at me.
[Screaming]
Oh, fuck.
[Screaming]
Somebody help me.
[Screaming]
[Man roaring]
Help me somebody open the door. Help me help me.
You have to help me. Let me you use you phone please. Calm down.
You know I'm dirty but you're real cute.
Call the police my friends have been murdered.
There's nothing sweetheart calm down.
[Man falls down]
[The killer appears]
[Lady screams]
[Music beats]
Tonight tragedy has shook small-town Dark Marsh. Official state they have
recovered several bodies of millenials scattered throughout the woods.
In unrelated news a man says he had seen a sasquatch.
[Phone ringing]
Dude where are you fuckers at?
Merlin's about to go on right now. Dude, I've been waiting for them all day man.
Some Chicks was freakin streak naked right now bro.
Dude so sick. Later dude later bitches.
Hope everyone's ready for this weekend's stoner festival.
I heard Dino from Buffalo Buster will be there. I'm Skid Sizemore and
that's the news. Goodnight and sleep well Texas.
[Car arrives and hoots]